


how to disappear completely

by radiobrain



Series: virgil honey [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Anxiety Disorder, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders-centric, Anxious Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Blood, Heavy Angst, Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Lots of Swearing TBH, M/M, Original Character(s), Songfic, Sorry Not Sorry, Suicide Attempt, Swearing, angst wont stop, like i swear its just angst, lots and lots of angst, no really im not sorry, virgil is dying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:47:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25753831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radiobrain/pseuds/radiobrain
Summary: in little while,i’ll be gone.the moment’s already passed-yeah, it’s gone.and i’m not here.this isn’t happening.or; in which virgil is dying.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders
Series: virgil honey [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1970950
Comments: 27
Kudos: 136





	1. he didn't want to die

**Author's Note:**

> hello hi hola  
> this fanfic is self-explanatory but i just wanted to let you all know english is not my first language and i did this (bc i love virgil sanders so much) and because i wanted to learn how to write properly in english so if you see any error or mistake or even just a line you would've phrased better please do let me know it will be much appreciated!
> 
> this was inspired by "how to disappear completely" by radiohead, but also a bunch of fanfics i read on this website! i don't remember the names but all of this writers are so fucking talented it physically hurts.
> 
> that's all, enjoy! (suffer?)

It was a day like any other in the Mind Palace.

Thomas was reading a book, so Logan sat near the window looking out, seeming interested and thoughtful, writing notes on a notebook like he was running out of time.

Patton was preparing him a cup of coffee, and baking cookies for Virgil.

And Virgil was swimming on a sea of self-deprecating thoughts up in his room, wishing he could just shut down his brain and enjoy some damn cookies, like a normal side.

Because Virgil was anxiety and Virgil really, really, really hated himself. But he kept being himself, because that’s what Thomas needed. If not, well, he would’ve stopped. Thomas needed to be afraid, in order to take care of himself. Virgil got that. And it did make sense that therefore he was needed, he wasn’t worthless or useless or so many other things he had thought himself to be.

But still, why did he have to be anxiety. Thomas needed him but did he really need Virgil to be scared of every social gathering, or find ways to twist other’s words to convince himself they hate him, or have panic and anxiety attacks almost every night so Thomas didn’t? 

Because, fine, being anxiety was as important as being morality, or logic, or creativity. But it certainly wasn’t as fun.

Logan, Patton and Roman could just be, without doubting themselves or being afraid. But that meant it was Virgil who had to doubt them, because that was his job.

And every time he shut down one of Roman’s ideas, or convinced Patton he was being too trusting of someone, and their eyes lost that little light that brightened them up just for a moment before they shook their heads and forced themselves to smile, Virgil hated himself a little bit more.

Now, they knew how he felt, they cared about him (didn’t they?), and they worked hard to make him feel useful and like his input was appreciated. But it wasn’t- it was needed. He knew they hated him, and his negativity and his… his paranoia. 

Needed isn’t the same as loved.

He was just having a bad day. He knew that’s what it was. One of those days he wants to lock himself in his room, scream My Chemical Romance lyrics at the top of his lungs and cry himself to sleep. A typical Sunday night.

But there was something bothering him so much from this bad day in particular and that was- Roman hadn’t knocked. He hadn’t asked Virgil how he was doing from the other side of the door, he hadn’t practically begged him to open. Not that Virgil liked him begging, but he did like to feel like the thoughts he was having were bullshit.

Today, it didn’t feel that way. Today, everything he thought just, made sense to him. And that was bad, super bad. And he knew he should call Logan, because he was always the best at reasoning with him and bring him back to the ground. But he was so tired of needing someone, constantly, to be fine.

Why couldn’t he be like the others? Patton never locked himself in his room like a fucking teenager. Roman never hurt himself like a fucking coward. Logan never, ever, needed anyone. So why him? Why did he have to be anxiety and be always moody and act like he hates everyone and put everyone down all the time and make Thomas want to kill himself?

Virgil gasped. He had forgotten about that. How, how the hell does someone forget about that? How do you forget that time when the only person you’re supposed to protect cries and cries asking you to stop and you don’t because you just don’t know how and next thing you know is there’s an empty pill bottle in his night stand and you can’t do anything but watch and hope someone finds him before it’s too late-?

Oh. Virgil hadn’t realised he was crying. He hadn’t realised he couldn’t breathe either. Is his room getting blurry? No, it was his eyes. He was starting to feel dizzy. Was he dying? God, he hopes not. They need him… Not love him, but at least they need him…

„Kiddo! I made cookies!“

Virgil, though close to fainting, sat up, quickly.

Enough bullshit, he thought, standing up. He was dying, he was fucking dying and pride wouldn’t be the thing that killed him. He needed to get to the door, and open. Get to the door. Open. Get to the…

„Kiddo? Are you alright?“

He tried to hurry, before Patton gave up and left him to die. He didn’t want to die, he didn’t. He was what felt like an inch away from the door when his legs gave up, and he fell with a loud thump. 

„Virge?!“  
„Patton…“, he tried to say, but he couldn’t catch his breath. „I… I think I’m dying“.

The door handle started to turn, but it seemed so, so far away. Virgil could only see black, and the last thing he heard were loud footsteps getting away from the door.

Virgil found the strength to laugh. So stupid. You’re not dying, it’s just a panic attack. They don’t care about that- you can’t die from that. They just need you alive.

And you’re needed. Not loved.


	2. there was blood

When Virgil regained consciousness, he wasn’t alone.

„We need to do something!“

„There’s nothing we can do if we don’t know what this is. And it could just be a one time thing, as far as we know“.

„How can you be so cold?“

„Pat… I’m sorry, I’m just trying to think-„

„Logically?“

He tried to open his eyes, and soon found out he wasn’t in his room. He groaned at the brightness of the room, and groaned louder when he tried to move. Everything hurt. He was physically hurting. That’s not supposed to happen.

„What…?“

Before he could ask anything, Patton was at his side, basically forcing him to lay his head back down. Virgil noticed he had a wet towel in his forehead, something up his nose and a blanket covering him. He hated the fluffy fabric and the heat it radiated, and since Patton seemed eager to take care of him, he tried to speak.

„`S hot…“, he mumbled.

„You’re alright, kiddo“, Patton said, when he saw the young side trying to communicate. „Don’t speak, you’ve been through a lot“.

Virgil gave up, falling limp on the sofa he was laying on, and blinked twice. His vision stopped being blurry, and he could see the distressed look on Patton in his extremely pale face, and how Logan looked at him behind his glasses, his arms akimbo and looking out of place, like he wanted to help but didn’t know how. Virgil guessed he already did- take care of him- while unconscious, but treating an awake patient was more of a Patton thing.

„What exactly is ‚a lot‘?“, Virgil finally spoke, his voice hoarse.

Patton turned to look at Logan.

„Patton and I summoned you because he thought you were having a panic attack.“

„But I wasn’t“, Virgil guessed, almost asking.

„I think you were“, Logan sighed. „But it was more than that. You were unconscious when we summoned you here but you were shaking and it looked like you were in pain. Physical pain.“

„I was“, Virgil confessed. „Still am.“

„Kiddo, did something happen?“ Patton asked, sympathetically. 

„Like what?“, he asked, not comprehending.

„Your nose was bleeding.“ Logan explained. „Patton and I have theorised…“

Logan kept talking. But everything suddenly became numb for Virgil and he couldn’t hear. His nose was bleeding. No, that can’t be. That can’t be it, they wouldn’t do that to him, would they? No, they would talk to him. They would ask, they would consult him, wouldn’t they?

Why would they? If they wanted to get rid of him they wouldn’t tell him. They would lie, they would act like… Virgil sat up in a sudden movement, getting away from Patton.

„Did you say…?“, but Virgil decided he didn’t want to ask, but see, so he took out the toilet paper stuck in his nose and there it was. There was blood. His nose bled, he felt light headed, he had a panic attack, he passed out. Everything hurt. He knew what this was.

Patton and Logan looked at each other once more. They observed Virgil as he slowly turned to look at them, as if they were monsters. Patton’s heart stung.

„Virgil?“  
„Did you know?“

„Did we know what?“

Virgil was breathing faster by the second. Patton tried to comfort him, calm him down, by putting a hand on his leg but Virgil practically jumped.

„Don’t touch me“, he said, and with that, he was gone. He sunk out, and right before disappearing completely, the other sides heard him yell, as mad as they’ve ever heard him speak, one single word.


	3. this isn't happening

„Thomas!“

Virgil appeared on his host’s room, as he was watching something on Netflix laying on his bed. So calm, so chilled. Like he hadn’t betrayed him. Like he didn’t even care. Virgil tried, as hard as he could, to remain as calm as possible, but as he spoke, he felt his eyes watering.

„How could you do this?!“, he yelled. „Without even telling me! I know I’m not Miss Sunshine but you know I’ve been trying to be better and I-I think I at least deserve a fucking warning, don’t I?“

Virgil heaved. Silence. Thomas laid there, unfazed.

„ **At least look at me!** “

His voice was distorted, and Virgil hated this. Hated how desperate he sounded, how hurt he felt. How broken he was. This wouldn’t’ve happened if he didn’t trust them, there would’ve been nothing to betray. But they tried so hard to convince him they loved him, he was one of them and yes, it was hard to believe sometimes but he thought… He hoped his fears were wrong. That he was just being what he is, anxiety, and overthinking, but no. He was right, all along.

Forgetting anger, and fear, the next word was spoken with nothing but desperation.

„Please“, he cried.

„Virgil?“

Virgil jumped, but didn’t turn around as he knew the two sides had appeared behind him. He looked down, feeling completely helpless.

But then, there was movement, and Thomas removed his headphones and flashed them a stunning smile.

„Oh, hey guys“, he simply said. Virgil felt his anger coming back up again. Hey guys? That was it?

„You fucking asshole, are you taking anxiety pills again?!“

Virgil didn’t look, but he knew the other two were shocked. He thought he heard Patton gasp. But Thomas didn’t even blink, like he hadn’t heard.

„It’s okay if you want to get rid of me but making me feel like I mean something to you and, and that I’m safe being who I am with you and then doing this is just so fucking-„

„Guys, is there something wrong?“

Thomas interrupted him, casually. Virgil looked at him, hurt, confused. But Thomas didn’t look at him. At all. It was like he…

„Virgil, I don’t think he can see you“

Virgil couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t see. Couldn’t hear. He couldn’t even think. For a moment it felt like there was nothing. No time, no space, no air, no love, no hate. Absolutely nothing.

And then, like a gunshot, the whole world was back there again.

„No. No, no, this isn’t happening“, he mumbled. „This can’t be happening, I’m not here. I’m gonna wake up, this is a nightmare and I’m gonna wake up.“

„Virge, you need to calm down“

Virgil felt a hand, Patton’s hand, on his shoulder and escaped from the touch as fast as he could, like a stray cat would, because it felt so real. It felt so real and this just couldn’t be real, it just couldn’t.

„Y-You“, he said, as tears filled every ounce of his being, pointing at the two blurry shapes that he guessed were the other sides. „You- **You said he needed me**.“

„He does“, he heard, from a voice that seemed far away.

„ **Stop lying! Why would he…? Am I that awful? Am I that fucking disgusting?** “

„Virge, breathe“

**„I don’t… I don’t deserve to die.** “ _Thomas didn’t either. But you convinced him he did, you fucking monster._

„Guys, what’s going on?“

„ **Do I?** “ _Of course. He’ll be so much better when you’re gone. You knew this since the begging, why are you acting so shocked now?_

„We’ll explain later. Let’s take him to the Mind Palace“.

„ **This is too much** “ You deserve worse.

„Take who?!“

„ **This isn’t happening- This just can’t be happening** “ _It is._


	4. pathetic

Virgil stumbled across the hall, trying as hard as he could to place one foot in front of the other. It was a hard task, walking while trying to breathe and not cry too loud, but he finally made it to his destination.

He was desperate, but he didn’t want to intrude, so he knocked a few times before speaking in between sobs.

„ **Roman… Roman, please, I need…** “ _you._ He wanted to say. He didn’t. Instead, he opened the door, that remained unlocked, to be met with a completely empty room.

There’s a survival instinct, specially potent in Virgil, so even though he felt like he might colapse, the side found the strength to run, as fast as he could.

He never really liked the imagination, but he didn’t have a reason why. Maybe the imagination didn’t like him. Whatever it was, Virgil didn’t spend much time there. Yet, he didn’t think twice when lurching forward and losing himself in it.

Roman was incredible. He had created all of that; the forest, the river, the fantastic animals that lived in them. Virgil thought he saw a mermaid. He couldn’t dwell on it though, because even though the view was amazing; purple trees, orange water, red grass… and it felt like Roman, it still wasn’t _him_.

Where was he?

It seemed like an eternity, and Virgil felt like his lungs were about to implode, when he heard voices over the sound of a cascade. One voice. His voice.

„ **Roman!** “

Virgil gasped. The simple act of screaming, had him on his knees, without enough energy to even try to take one more step.

Fuck, he was so close.

Okay, Roman didn’t hear. Wasn’t coming. He didn’t need him, he just needed to breathe. Breathe.

He tried, as hard as he could, but he ended up coughing uncontrollably, and he felt some type of liquid in his tongue. He recognised the taste.

„ **Oh, you’ve got to be kidding** “, he mumbled, but that only made him cough harder.

„Jesus, Virgil!“

Between coughs, Virgil found himself able to smile as Roman appeared into view, sitting down next to him.

„What are you doing here?“

„ **You… You weren’t in your room** “, he managed to choke out.

„Virgil, your voice… Is that blood?“

„ **Badass, huh?** “

Roman didn’t laugh, didn’t even blink.

„What’s going on?“

Just thinking about it made his eyes water.

„ **Thomas…“,** he never finished the phrase. Instead, he felt himself release the stream of tears he had been holding. He cried, sobbed, not caring about the loudness anymore. Roman hesitated.

„Is it alright if I hug you?“

Virgil nodded desperately.

„ **Please** “

Roman obeyed almost immediately, and Virgil hid his face near his neck, trembling and shaking and crying his heart out. Roman held him, stroked his hair, and tried to breathe as calm as he could for Virgil to follow.

It seemed like an eternity, and at the same time like just a second. Then, Roman spoke.

„Whenever you’re ready, Doctor Gloom…“, he said, without an ounce of malice. „You can talk to me.“

Virgil took his time, and though tears kept streaming down his pale face, he stopped shaking.

„Everything is happening“

„I know it’s hard“, Roman said, separating himself from the other side so he could look at him. „But I need you to be more specific.“

Virgil nodded. Sighed. Then, looked away.

„I always think things, bad things. But in the back of my mind I always know I’m wrong. But now…“ Roman’s heart broke, as he saw the pale side’s lip tremble. „Now, everything is happening. And I don’t know how to deal with it- I barely know how to deal with it when it’s in my head!“

„What’s happening, Virgil?“

„I-I’m not needed… **I’m not loved.** “

„How could you say that? Virgil you are so important for Thomas-„

„I’m dying“

„Wait, what?!“

The scream made Virgil flinch, and Roman was quick to apologise. Virgil wouldn’t look at him in the eye, but if he did, he would see tears starting to form.

„I don’t know why, but I just know… It’s like when Thomas took anxiety pills.“

„Wait, wait… What?! When Thomas took anxiety pills you were…“

„I wasn’t dying. I was just sick. For a very long time.“

„He took those pills for almost a year, Virgil, why wouldn’t you say anything?“

„Yeah, like you would’ve listened“, Virgil spat, immediately regretting the bitter tone. „Sorry.“

Roman put a hand on his lap, to show him it was okay. Virgil felt like he could breathe again. He was always afraid of overstepping the boundaries, make everyone hate him again. He shouldn’t worry about that anymore, about anything really; he was dying.

„But it’s stronger now. I don’t know if he’s taking them again but that’s what it looks like. I couldn’t ask him because he couldn’t… see me. Or hear me. It was like… It was like I wasn’t there. I know I’m not you with your passion, or Patton with his compassion or Logan with intelligence. I know I don’t exactly love life, -or many things, really- but **I really don’t want to die, Ro. And I know I’m not as fun to be around but-„** ****

 **„** Virgil, shut up.“ Roman said, and Virgil turned to him, hurt and surprised. „First of all, you’re not dying because I’m not allowing that to happen. And second of all, you are so fun to be around. And yeah, you don’t like much things but the things you like, _you love_. Without you, Thomas would listen to Broadway musicals on repeat. And I’m not complaining, you know I’m not, but you love My Chemical Romance and Evanescence and so many cool things. Without you, Thomas would be super boring! And you love conspiracies! And, and to sit on things that aren’t meant to be sat on, for some reason?“

Virgil chuckled.

„Come on you can’t seriously believe Thomas would do that to you. And if he did, it wasn’t on purpose, because he loves you. We all do.“ Virgil stared, with bright eyes, as the Prince kept talking. „And, I’m not gonna lie, being anxiety sucks. It sucks but you do such a great job and that’s so important because, without you, none of us matter. Without you, I could have a great idea for, I don’t know, a movie, and Logan could come up with a great invention but Thomas would cross the street without looking and die! What does my creativity work for if Thomas is six feet under, huh?“

Virgil looked away, and blinked. _Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry._ Roman took his chin, and made him look at him.

„We _need_ you, Virgil. And we love you just as much.“

There was a pause.

Then, Virgil kissed him. It felt just like heaven. Then, Roman pulled away.

Virgil looked at him, eyes big.

„Shit. Shit, shit, shit, I’m sorry“

„Hey, it’s okay“, Roman tried to reassure him, but he didn’t seem okay himself.

„No, it’s not. I’m really sorry, Roman, I don’t know why I did that. I just… I’m dying?“, Virgil tried.

Roman couldn’t help but laugh.

„Is that your excuse?"

„Does it work?“, Virgil replied, smiling too.

„It does.“

Silence.

Virgil found himself trapped in his own mind. It was ironic, wasn’t it. The embodiment of fear and anxiety finally taking a leap of faith and all he gets is…

„Well, I gotta go,“ Roman said. Virgil nodded.

„Of course.“

„If you need me again, summon me, alright?“

„Sure thing“

Then, Roman walked away.

Virgil stared as he left, and when he had disappeared, he groaned loudly and covered his face with both of his hands, cursing under his breath.

„Pathetic“, he mumbled. „So fucking pathetic.“


	5. complete fucking stranger

When Virgil closed the door to his room, he expected peace and quiet. A moment alone to dwell in his shitty existence and how much of a loser he was. He even expected to fall asleep before he dig too deep into his thoughts, but he feared that wouldn’t be possible because he was anxiety and he was dying, so there was no way he would be able to sleep knowing there was a possibility that he wouldn’t wake up.

What he didn’t expect, however, was to turn around to find a completely random stranger sitting in his bed.

„What the…?!“, he screamed, jumping back and hitting his head with the closed bedroom door.

The stranger stood up, as calm as one could be. He wore a white tunic and an expressionless face that matched Virgil’s. He looked out of place in contrast to the decor.

„Virgil“, he said, stepping closer.

„Wait, wait, wait. Who are you? What are you doing in my room? And how do you know my name?!“

The tunic-wearing stranger curved his lips up in the slightest. Virgil wondered what he found so funny.

„You sure ask questions“

„Yeah, well, you sure are a creep if you’ve been sitting there waiting for me to come back“

„As a matter of fact, I have“

„Okay“, Virgil mumbled. „So…?“

„I’m Serenity, and I’m here because we need to talk“

„Serenity?“ Virgil frowned. „I’ve never heard of a Serenity before“

„That’s cause I didn’t exist before“

„Okay“ Virgil licked his lips, nervous, trying to comprehend. „So why do you exist now?“

„That’s what I’m here to talk about“, Serenity smiled. „Could we sit down?“

„I’d rather be near the only exit. Don’t take it personally it’s just… how I work“

„I don’t mind“, the stranger replied, and Virgil hated how he acted like he was at home, like Virgil was asking _him_ for permission, like he wasn’t a complete fucking stranger in _his_ room. „Would you mind if I sit?“

„Make yourself at home“, Virgil said, through gritted teeth. „What do you want to talk about? And why with me?“

„Well, it mostly concerns you. And me.“

Virgil was growing more and more ( ~~anxious~~ ) curious.

„How come?“

„Though my ‚title‘ is Serenity, I represent Thomas’ calm, peace, non-egotistical confidence… Hope“. He took a long pause, almost as if he didn’t want to continue. „I’m afraid I’m here to replace you.“

Once again, Virgil’s world came crashing down.

Replace him. Not only was he dying, they already had someone to fill in the spot. How twisted was that? How was that possible?

„Replace me? You… N-no one can replace me…“, Virgil said. He didn’t even try to hide the fact that he was trying to convince himself.

„I’m sorry“, said Serenity, and he looked completely honest. „I can. And I will.“

Virgil’s breath hitched.

„W-Why?“

He looked completely heartbroken. He felt that way too.

„It’s natural, Virgil. People grow up. Thomas is in a place in his life right now where he needs peace, not…“

„Me“, Virgil guessed, and Serenity looked like he hated having to agree.

„Yes. But you’ve been so good, son. You’ve done so much for him“

Virgil blinked. Tears ran down his face.

„But I’m not done. I can do so much more.“

„No. No, you can’t. You’re not needed.“

Virgil completely broke. He fell to the floor, covering his mouth with his hands. He felt like his heart was about to give up. He felt like his brain would explode any minute. He felt… blood trickling down his nose. He felt panic. Everything hurt.

„I’m not here to hurt you“, Serenity’s voice reached him, suddenly much closer. „ But we need to work this out. For Thomas. You’re dying, son. And it’s not a nice death.“

„W-What do we do?“, Virgil made himself whisper as he felt himself drifting away from consciousness.

„ _I_ don’t do anything“

„What- “, Virgil coughed. „What do I do?“

There was a pause.

„Die.“

Virgil trembled.

„Take your time, son. Rest. My name's Galen. When you’re ready, call for me.“

„Galen“, Virgil mumbled, and the last thought he had before passing out was that that name sucked even more than his did.


	6. what do i do?

Virgil came back to his senses to the sound of music. He immediately recognised the song, it being „Boy Division“ by My Chemical Romance and, though disoriented, tried his best to analyse the room and find out where it was coming from, because it sounded loud, really loud.

It took him a whole verse to completely wake up and realise it didn’t come from anywhere, which meant it came from…

„Thomas…“

He rubbed his forehead, feeling a strong migraine.

Thomas was listening to his favourite song from one of his favourite bands. Was he trying to make him show up? He knew all about positive triggers, but why would he do that? He wouldn’t be able to see him, or hear him. It would be way too hard on Virgil, it would hurt too much. If that is what he wanted, he wouldn’t give him the pleasure.

As he found himself being pulled, he found out he didn’t have much of a choice.

Thomas’ room was dark, his heavy curtains covering up the sunlight from the window and his lights all turned off. The only thing that brightened it just a little, was Thomas’ computer screen. Spotify was open, and Thomas wore headphones, his eyes closed. Nonetheless, Virgil could hear the music. He _was_ in his head, after all.

The chorus passed, and Virgil started to wonder what was the point of this- to make him suffer? Soon enough, Thomas opened his eyes, and searched the room. Virgil sat on the desk and, as expected, he didn’t see him.

Being invisible, Virgil decided, hurt even more than _feeling_ invisible.

Though the desk was at his right, for obvious reasons, Thomas looked ahead when he finally decided to speak.

„Virgil“, he simply said, and Virgil wanted to cry just from hearing him say his name. He wouldn’t though. He wouldn’t cry.

„Virge“, he repeated. „I-I don’t know if you’re here but if you are I… I’m sorry“

Thomas’ voice cracked.

„I don’t know what’s going on, I swear. But I talked to Logan and he said you’re not doing too well, and it has some things in common with what anxiety pills do to you.“

Virgil, who was looking away, suddenly turned to his host, as he heard a small whimper. Thomas was crying.

„I didn’t know they did that to you. Like, I knew they worked because you laid low while I took them but I didn’t know it was because you were sick. If I knew, I wouldn’t’ve done it- If you would’ve told me I would’ve stopped!“

There was a pause. Virgil got up from the desk, walking towards the spot Thomas was looking at. He felt like he was in a dream, like this wasn’t happening. He and Thomas always had a ‚special bond‘, because, for the most part, before, Virgil would show up when Thomas was alone, with no other sides to protect him. (God, he was an asshole). So when Virgil joined the light sides, something deeper connected them. Thomas’ acceptance was worth so much for Virgil, because he had been so, so mean to him. So cruel.

But they never mentioned it, and never talked about it. They just looked at each other, and they both knew.

But now, Thomas was talking.

„And I don’t know what’s going on, I swear“, he repeated, like he really needed to get that point across. „But I’m going to find out, and I’m going to fix it. I know you make yourself think we all hate you, that _I_ hate you because, well, I know how you work“, he laughed. Virgil didn’t. Even though he knew he couldn’t be heard, he felt like if he made the smallest of noises, the vision in front of him would shatter into a million pieces, and he would never get this precious moment back. So he remained as silent as possible, even though tears were running down his face. „But I don’t hate you, not at all. And we both know you’ve done things…“

Virgil’s heart stung, as he observed how Thomas appeared smaller when thinking about it.

„But it’s okay. Because we got through it and we were young… Kids are heartless sometimes“, he chuckled. „But that wasn’t enough to make me stop loving you and it never will be. And I know you think you do but you don’t deserve this. You deserve to be happy and it breaks my heart to think you never will be because you’ll be to busy worrying about me…“

Virgil blinked.

„I know you can’t answer but, if you know something I can do, if you find out how I can help, please tell me. What can I do to stop it? Just… What do I do?“

After that, there was silence.

And Virgil hated himself, because all he remembered from everything Thomas had said were the bad parts. The ones that stung. _I knew they worked because you laid low for a while…_ Virgil being sick was him laying low for Thomas. Had Thomas been happier when Virgil wasn’t even able to get out of bed? _If you would’ve told me…!_ Your fault. _We both know you’ve done things…_ Bad things, awful things, cruel things… _Heartless…_

_You deserve to be happy… you never will be…_

Virgil shook his head. No. He knew Thomas, he knew what Thomas had meant. He had meant to reassure him, let him know he was on his side. But Thomas didn’t know what this was. Virgil did. And because Thomas was such a good person, such a good friend, being able to forgive such awful things… That’s why Virgil had to let it happen. Let Thomas grow. Let him be happy. His self-preservation was only there because Thomas needed it. His whole purpose was to protect Thomas. He wouldn’t be so selfish, so _heartless_ to put him being alive before Thomas’ happiness. He was alive because of Thomas. And he would die for him.

He didn’t mind, really.

He didn’t mind.

Virgil started to sink out, and before he did, he heard Thomas whisper, almost to himself.

„I miss you.“


	7. nothing

Virgil made an effort to get up early enough to have breakfast with the rest of the sides. He had stayed up all night wondering what he was gonna say, how he was gonna act. He wanted to be honest, to come clean with them but the more he thought about it, the more he realised he didn’t want to go on that note.

He wanted to just _be,_ for once. Enjoy everything.

So, when he woke up, he cleaned the trail of blood that run down his nose and put on his best careless mask as he walked down the stairs.

All three of the light sides were already in the kitchen and guessing by the way they shut up when he appeared into view, they had been talking about him. He didn’t mind. He smiled at them.

„What’s for breakfast?“

Patton, trying to hide the shock he felt by being smiled at by Virgil, struggled to answer.

„Oh… Eh, cookies!“

„Nice“, Virgil replied, without a hint of sarcasm.

„Do you want some coffee, Lord of the Why’s?“

„Sure. Thanks, Princey“, the anxious side replied, sitting on the chair next to Logan’s. „How do you do, Teach?“

Logan frowned.

„Are you alright?“

 _Far from that._ „I’m good.“

„You do look better“, the logical side said, as if analysing him.

„Yep. No blood, coffee, cookies…“, Virgil looked at him. _I’m scared._ „ I feel better“

Patton served a tray of cookies, and sat down next to the other two.

„That’s amazing! We were so worried“

„I know“, Virgil nodded, stuffing his mouth full of cookies as if he would starve if he didn’t. „I could sense your anxiety from the hallway“

„Well, what do you expect if you leave your room locked knowing we know you’re dying?“

„Sorry, mom“, Virgil replied, rolling his eyes. Roman hit him in the back of his head, serving him his coffee.

„Make sure to roll your eyes behind my back next time.“

„Noted“, Virgil mumbled, rubbing his head.

Virgil, surprisingly, found himself actually feeling quite… fine. They laughed for a bit when Logan burned his tongue with his coffee and they had fun trying to hide how boring Patton’s tale of his amazing cookie recipe was so they wouldn’t hurt his feelings.

But then, Logan turned to him, looking serious.

„Thomas told us he tried to speak to you yesterday“. The memory felt like a kick in the gut, but Virgil tried his best to hide how uncomfortable he felt. „Did you…?“

„Yeah, I heard“, he replied. He knew they knew he didn’t want to dig in too deep, because he wasn’t able to look at them in the eye, instead focusing in his cup of coffee, like it was a work of art.

„What did he say?“, Roman asked, his voice soft.

„A lot of things- nice things… He asked me something.“

„What was it, kiddo?“

„I’d rather not talk about it“, he said, feeling his chest a little bit tighter.

When he was met by silence, Virgil looked up, and saw everybody staring.

„What?“

„Uh, Virgil?“ Logan murmured, signalling to his own nose.

„Shit“, Virgil let out, already knowing what that meant, and reached for a paper towel.

„Are you alright?“, Patton asked, worryingly and at the same time; „I have to go.“

Virgil stared at the figure as it left the room, feeling his soul crush. Had he screwed up so much that the minute all focus was on him Roman just had to get up and leave? Did he disgust him that much? Was he such a loser for his high-fucking-princely-standards?

„Virgil!“

He snapped out of it, looking at Logan, who had called out his name.

„How do you feel? Do you think you’ll pass out?“

Virgil blinked, understanding they mistook him staring at the door for him zoning out. He shook his head.

„Just tired“, he managed to say. „I think I’ll go and rest for a while“

„Yeah, that’s a good idea, kiddo! Take a nap.“

„Will do, Dad“, he started to walk up the stairs, and maybe just so he could see their faces one more time, he turned to them and said: „Oh, and will you please tell Thomas the answer to his question?“

„Of course“

„Nothing“, and upon seeing the confusion on their faces he sighed. „Just, say that. He’ll understand.“

„Okay“

„Go get some rest“

„Okay“, Virgil said. Then, turned once more. „Love you, guys“

He didn’t hear a reply.

He walked down the hallway towards his room, really slowly. Maybe cause he dreaded the moment when he would close the door, or maybe cause he hoped one of the others would run after him and stop him, having guessed his intent. (Hopefully Roman.) Maybe he was giving them time to figure it out.

They didn’t, and he reached his bedroom door. He closed it behind him. He sighed.

Then, built up the courage.

„Galen!“


	8. pull the trigger

Galen looked solemn, like when one goes to a funeral, and Virgil felt like his heart would burst from absolute terror.

He was fear, and though he had decided what his fate would be, he still felt terrified. He didn’t want to die.

„I knew you would make the right decision, son“, was the first thing Galen said, and Virgil gulped and nodded.

„Yeah“, he sighed. „Let’s get this over with“

Galen nodded back at him.

„Let’s“, he said. And without further a do, in Galen’s hand appeared a gun, and the white side stepped closer to Virgil with determination. Virgil tried to stay still, to breathe, to shake as little as possible. He closed his eyes.

This is it. All he had to do is to stay still. It would be over soon. For Thomas. For Roman. For Patton. For Logan. For all of them. He could do it. For all of them. For…

„Wait!“

His eyes opened wide, and he met face to face with the weapon. It wasn’t pointing at him though. With shaky hands, Virgil took it by the grip. He stared at it. Virgil had imagined death so much, it felt more like a memory. How many times had he thought about this, about a gun in his hand, about blood on his wrists… About ending it all. And how many times had he felt so frustrated, knowing he couldn’t. He just couldn’t, because he was needed. How many times had he felt trapped in existence…

This was good. At least now, he could do it. He had a choice.

He didn’t though, did he? Before, he had to stay alive for Thomas. Now, he had to die for him. He felt angry tears at the corner of his eyes. This was it. This was the end of his miserable existence, there was nothing more. He wasn’t made for great things, he wasn’t made for love. He was made for this.

He had lived, and now he was to die. There wasn’t a big light at the end of the tunnel- he was to die inside it. Inside his own mind. Inside someone else’s mind. He wasn’t even a person. Jesus, he was nothing. So insignificant. So useless.

This couldn’t be it, it just couldn’t be. He wouldn’t even get to see his life project grow. He wouldn’t see Thomas getting married, having children. Achieving his dreams. Learning, growing. 

No. Virgil was meant to make his life impossible until Thomas learnt enough to take him out.

No, that couldn’t be it. It felt so wrong, it felt so… disappointing. He always wondered how Thomas would die. How they would all die. That wouldn’t happen now. He would die, and they would go on living. Then, die together. Without him.

This just couldn’t be it.

„Take you time, son“, Galen said, seriously. „I’ll stay with you if you want me to“

„I…“, Virgil muttered, and he felt his brain going fast, faster than it’s even been before, examining every possibility, every way out. „Can’t I just give you my spot?“

„What? No, that’s not how it works“

„But it could work“, Virgil was quick to say, desperately, and he felt like he was begging more than he was suggesting. „It will work. I’ll go back to being a dark side, I don’t mind. I won’t…“ He swallowed. „I won’t even talk to Thomas. I won’t intervene, I promise. I want what’s best for him, I do!“

„Then you’ll pull the trigger“, Galen replied, and though he didn’t say it with anger or hurry or malice, Virgil flinched. Galen sighed. „Virgil, son, that’s just not how it works. We’re complete opposites. One can’t be serene and have anxiety at the same time, it just…“  
„No, yes you can!“, Virgil almost yelled, blinking away the tears so he didn’t look like a mad man fighting for his life, though that’s exactly how he felt like. „You can be calm about having anxiety, you can be at peace with who you are without…“

„I’m afraid you don’t get it“, Galen stared into his eyes, looking sympathetic, like when one has to put a wounded animal out of his misery. „We cancel each other out. Do you know what that means?“ Virgil couldn’t find the strength to respond. „As long as we’re both here, we both influence Thomas but we aren’t fully integrated with the rest of the system.“

„That’s why he can’t…“  
„See or hear you, yes“, Galen shook his head. „I’ve tried to reach him too. Neither of us can until the other is gone.“

Virgil, for just one second, looked at the weapon he held.

„I represent peace. I can’t kill you. If you want to live so desperately, you could always shoot me“

Virgil looked up at him, surprised. So he did have a choice.

„But your job is to protect Thomas, son. Are you willing to fail just because of your selfish reasons, because of your longing for individuality?“, Galen stepped closer and closer to him, and the closer he got, the dizzier Virgil felt. „We’re not individuals, Virgil, you have to accept that. You worry so much about if the others like you or not, love you or not. If that Prince loves you or not. When truth is, it just doesn’t matter. What matters is our job, and that’s Thomas’ happiness. What you feel, how much you hate yourself, how the others treat you- no one cares about that, and you shouldn’t either. That’s what’s keeping you from doing your job and what’s keeping you from pulling the trigger. You know the right answer, but you’re thinking about yourself, when it shouldn’t even be a passing thought.“

Virgil’s breath was quick, harsh, yet he felt like no air was reaching his lungs.

„I just…“, he muttered under his breath. „I’m just so scared“

And with that, Virgil was a sobbing mess, knees on the floor, trying to catch his breath. With huge, pleading eyes, he looked up at the other side, that looked as calm as ever, even with a crumbling side breaking into pieces in front of him. He reached up with his arms, handing over the gun.

„Please“, he begged, and without further explanation, Galen understood.

„I really can’t“, he whispered, kneeling down to be at the same height as the other, and touching the other’s face with his hand. The moment his fingertips brushed the other’s pale face, Virgil noticed the very familiar feeling of blood in his nose. „I’m sorry“

But, as if to make it easier, Galen guided the other’s hands, helping him grasp the gun and place the barrel on the side of his head.

„I trust you, son“, Galen whispered, close to the trembling side’s ear. „Thomas needs you to do this“


	9. logan makes an entrance

Patton and Logan appeared in Thomas’ living room. Their host sat on his sofa, his right leg moving up and down and his head resting in his hands. He stared at the wall in front of him, a frown drawn in his face, as if he was lost in thought. When he noticed them, though, it turned to an expression of worry.

„Did you find anything?“

„No remarkable progress“, Logan answered, observing his surroundings. In the coffee table, laid an empty cup of coffee, and various books with titles like ‚the anxiety & worry workbook‘ and ‚rewire your anxious brain‘, among others. „You?“

„Nothing. None of these books say anything I’ve been doing could stop your anxiety altogether- kill it“, Thomas sighed. Then, ran his hand through his hair. „How’s he doing?“

„Awful!“, Patton exclaimed, then looked apologetic for the outburst. „He said he loved us!“

Thomas frowned.

„How’s that awful?“

„He’s said it before“, Logan explained. „But never as a goodbye. And he seemed unbothered by the situation. Brushed it off when his nose started bleeding and said he just needed to rest“

„Or maybe he’s trying to stay positive“, Patton murmured.

„Virgil?“

„Yeah… you’re right.“

Thomas shook his head.

„We have to do something“

„We have to go get Virgil“

Thomas, Patton and Logan all turned around, surprised to hear a new voice chime in. It was Roman. His clothes were slightly torn and he had his sword in his hand.

„Roman, what happened?!“, Patton asked, worryingly.

„Brotherly love“, he simply said. „Is he in his room?“

„Yes, resting“, Logan replied.

„Okay, we need to go. Now.“

„Wait, what’s going on?“

„I’ll explain later, Pat, let’s…“

„Wait“, Thomas interrupted. „Before you leave, did he say something? Did he…?“

„Nothing“, Logan stated. „That was his answer; nothing“

The sides watched Thomas’ face pale, and felt their own worry grow.

„What?“, Roman pressed, stepping closer. „What was he answering to? What did you ask him?“

„I…“, Thomas looked at the floor. „I asked him what to do. To help him.“

Roman licked his lips.

„Shit“, he breathed out. And with that, he disappeared.

Roman appeared on the Mind Palace’s hallway and when he reached Virgil’s bedroom door and found it locked, he felt himself shaking, but tried to control his own panic as he turned the handle, to not avail.

„Virgil! Open the door!“

He didn’t hear a reply, and he didn’t have time to wait for one, so he hit the door with his shoulder once, twice… He grunted each time, from frustration more than pain, because he just _couldn’t_ get it open. He was supposed to be a saviour and Virgil was probably dead already and Roman hadn’t been _there_.

„Stand back“, he heard a voice, Logan’s voice, and next thing he knew, the logical side was kicking the door open.


	10. what we both know

There was a loud bang, and Virgil turned to face his door. On the other side, stood Roman, Logan and Patton, looking absolutely mortified by the image they had seen. Virgil cursed under his breath, and tiredly flicked his wrist towards the bedroom entrance.

„Virgil“, he heard Roman mutter under his breath, before taking a step forward to enter the room. He was stopped by what seemed to be an invisible force, but what they all knew to be Virgil’s own desire of them not coming inside.

Logan observed as Roman punched the barrier furiously.

„Let us in!“

And at the same time.

„Kiddo, put the gun down, please“, Patton looked like he was about to pass out.

Virgil looked at them, with the most exhausted look in his face they had ever seen. There was also a touch of fury in his eyes. He had been so close, so close to fixing everything and letting them be happy. If they really loved him like they claimed they did, he had already scarred them for life. God, he couldn’t even die without being an asshole, could he?

„You don’t understand“, he spoke, with the softest voice the others had ever heard him speak with.

„No, it’s you who-„ Roman’s voice was lost in the background, as Galen approached the kneeling side.

„Virgil, it’s time“, he almost whispered to him. „If we both stay for too long, it could have permanent damage on Thomas“

„Can’t I say goodbye?“

„I already gave you enough time, son“

„Who are you?!“, Logan asked, and Virgil heard emotion in his voice for the first time. Distress.

„Galen, get away from him!“

Virgil’s neck hurt from turning so fast. He stared at Roman, with narrowed eyes.

„You know him?“

Roman seemed taken aback, and swallowed before speaking. He held eye contact with Virgil as he did, but felt Logan and Patton’s eyes on him too.

„I-I do. I don’t know what he’s told you, Virge, but he’s lying“, Virgil looked at Galen, who looked at Roman with a calm expression.

„N-No. This is what’s best for Thomas, I can _feel_ it“

„I know he’s lying, Virgil!“, Roman screamed, afraid the gun the side held would go near his head once again. „I know… Because I created him“

Virgil felt like he was falling. At intense speed.

„What?“

„He’s not a side“, Roman’s eyes now looked down, and were filled with guilty tears. „He’s a fragment of the Imagination. I just thought it would be cool to have a copy of the bridge to Terabithia, you know, like in the movie… So I went to make it and as I did I just started thinking and he just appeared, from a passing thought, from something that shouldn’t’ve been more than a silly…“

„What…?“, Virgil started, with a dark voice they weren’t used to hearing, not anymore. Patton felt a shiver go through his spine. He felt paralysed. „ _What_ did you think about?“

„What’s important is that…“

„I’ll say what’s important“, Virgil interrupted. Roman flinched. „If that’s true and he’s lying, I want to know what thought you had that created someone so keen to make me kill myself!“

„What if Thomas didn’t have anxiety!“, Roman yelled quickly. Like ripping off a bandaid.

Virgil’s posture, whole _aura,_ changed drastically. He didn’t move for a while, as if trying to process. Then, he looked down, nodding. He breathed loudly. Then, cried loudly.

„Virgil, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it I was just-„

„Shut up“, he whispered, but Roman still obeyed. „I forgive you.“

„Wh-?“

„I can’t blame you“

Roman’s heart broke into pieces.

„Yes. Yes, you can.“

„Even _I_ wonder that sometimes, Ro“, he chuckled. „Most of the time, really. If I had your ability, this would’ve happened much sooner“

„This doesn’t change anything“, Galen suddenly spoke, directly to Virgil. „I’m not a side but I’m still Serenity. I can still give Thomas what you can’t; I can make him happy“

„Falsehood!“, Virgil turned to Logan, hopeful. Logan was always right. _Please, be right._ He begged _. Please, logic our way out of this._ He did. „That makes no sense whatsoever- a fragment can’t replace a side. Specially not a _main_ side. Imagination and personality have nothing to do with each other. If that was possible, everyone could just think about being a better person and they immediately would become one. But that’s not how it works; you have to learn to apply the things you think into what you are“, Logan had lectured Galen, specifically, but then turned to Virgil. „And we can do that. We already _are_.“

Virgil swallowed, his eyes bright. He felt something light in his chest, something he hadn’t felt in a while. Hope? Then, turned to look at Galen.

It all happened fast, too fast, and before he could rise his hand up and point at the fragment with the weapon, he was pinned to the wall, Galen’s hands tight around his throat. The gun laid on the floor, a few feet away from them. Virgil gasped for air, scratching the other’s hands with his nails in hopes he would let him go. He didn’t.

He felt faint bangs, and turned his head slowly to find the three sides trying to get in, kicking, punching, and throwing themselves at the barrier. He was pretty sure they were screaming too, but his head hurt from the impact and he couldn’t hear anything. On top of that, Galen’s touch seemed to have some type of effect in him. He felt sick.

He pointed to the entrance with his hand, but before he could flick his wrist and let the others in, Galen’s grip tightened and his hand flew to his neck as an instinct. He started realising his attacker was speaking. He tried to focus on what he was saying.

„Such a precious fucking bunch, you are“

Virgil forced his eyes to focus on Galen, and when they did, he felt confused, as if he couldn’t recognise the person in front of him. No serenity was left in his his expression, but hate. Pure hate, directed towards him. The fact that Roman had created that, hurt much more than the hand stopping him from breathing.

„I love touching moments. And I know I lied to you, son“, Virgil wanted to puke from the nickname „but, believe it or not, I love honesty. So now that we’re coming clean. Let’s _really_ come clean, huh? What do you say?“

Virgil’s eyes connected with Galen’s and somehow, he just _knew_.

He knew what he meant. And he was terrified.

Galen loosened his grip, enough for Virgil to choke out.

„ **Don’t-** „

„What? Don’t want to share with your sweet friends what we both know?“

„Virgil, what is he talking about?“

Tears covered the anxious side’s face. He was going to die, at least that’s how he felt like, and _that_ would be the last thing they remembered him by? He couldn’t let it happen, so swallowing his pride, he begged.

„ **Please** “

„Virgil here-„

„ **Stop**!“

Galen’s grip tightened, once again.

„Shut up“, he spat. „Your little friend“, he looked at the others „,well, he was there when our dear Thomas tried to end himself. Even better, he was the one who made him do it!“

Virgil didn’t know how he gathered enough air to sob desperately, but he did. His eyes were blurry, he couldn’t see Patton, Logan, _Roman_. He was gonna die, and he couldn’t see them. And somehow that was all that mattered.

„Even fucking better! He was there, he stayed there as Thomas emptied the pill bottle and he didn’t do anything to stop him!“

„ **That… that’s not…** “

„True? Come on, Virgil, stop lying“

_I’m not._ He wanted to say- scream at the top of his lungs. Because he didn’t care about this asshole, but they had to know. They had to believe him, that wasn’t _true_.

„Oh, and sweet Thomas… he didn’t tell anyone. Such a nice friend, is he not?“

There was silence. Virgil could only see Galen’s smirk. Then he heard voices.

„Is that true?“. Logan.

Virgil opened his mouth, but Galen spoke before he did.

„Now, now“, he clicked his tongue. „Don’t lie“

He didn’t.

„ **Yes.** “

„How could you do that?“ Patton.

Jesus, he sounded so hurt, so disappointed.

„ **I didn’t mean to“**

„You’re a liar“

„ **I tried to stop him!** “

„And liars, don’t deserve to breathe“

That was it. Every little breath of air Virgil could get was cut off. He had blood in his nose, he was pretty sure. His eyes were involuntarily rolling back, and he had to force himself to stay awake- _alive_.

_I’m gonna die_. Was the only thing he could think, on repeat. _Will they miss me?_

_I’m gonna die, and there’s nothing I can do about it._

Then, a little voice in the back of his head screamed at him.

**_Yes, there is._ **

_No, not in front of them._

**_Thomas needs you._ **

And that was all that it took to convince him.

Virgil’s body went stiff, and then his head turned fast and he stared at his aggressor. Galen stumbled back.

Virgil’s eyes were pitch black. And he was smiling.

„ **You think you’re so fucking special, don’t you? You think you’re better than me? You think you know what’s best for Thomas?“** Virgil chuckled, voice distorted, dark, heavy. It somehow felt like it was coming inside the head of everyone who could hear. „ **You’re not even _him_. You’re just a fragment of his imagination- a passing thought turned into a parasite.“**

Galen smirked, but Virgil could sense it, like he was smelling fresh food. He was drippinganxiety.

„You think that’s gonna work with me?“

„ **That’s the funniest part!“** Virgil exclaimed, like it was Patton telling one of his dad jokes. „ **It doesn’t even need to work. You even being here is an accident, product of an overly active imagination. You’re a mistake, a fucking _glitch_. You have no power over me, over any of us. You don’t even have power over yourself! You’re just doing what Roman wanted you to. Are you even able to think by yourself? Or are you that fucking useless?**“

„That’s not true! I-„

„ **How would you know? You’re not even real. You don’t mean anything. You don’t represent anything. You don’t have a purpose**.“

Galen frowned, confused, when he noticed Virgil, who was so harshly _ruining_ him, was silently crying as he spoke.

„ **A worthless little shit like you shouldn’t even be allowed to speak** “

Galen struggled to find words, but he started replying nonetheless.

„Y-you… You know nothing! You fucking… You fucking monster! You do nothing but harm! You don’t know better, you couldn’t treat someone nicely if you tried! I think your friends agree“

Fighting against the impulse to look at them, (did they agree?) Virgil kept his eyes locked with Galen’s.

„ **At least I have friends. Can you say the same for yourself? I don't want you here. Roman created you and _he_ doesn't want you here. Thomas doesn't want you here. Who do you have, _son_?**“

„The others! The dark sides, they agree with me! And they were your friends too, weren't they? They told me, they want you dead. Remus gave me that gun, Janus told me _everything_.“

„ **Are you even hearing yourself? They want me dead. They hate me, that doesn’t mean they like _you_! You're just a tool for their vendetta. And I’m sure, if they wanted to, they could end me themselves. They don't even need you.**“

„That’s not true. They've never gotten this close, ever! And you- you're all that's wrong with Thomas! You're a fucking disorder!“

Virgil didn’t even blink.

„ **True. Now tell me, what's stronger? A disorder, or a glitch?** “

There was a bang. Galen and Virgil’s eyes never disconnected. Then, pieces of Galen started floating in the air, turning him into white light that slowly vanished. Virgil never stopped looking. Then, with shaky hands, he turned towards the door.

They stared, as Virgil let go of the weapon he held, and it fell with a loud clang.

„Virge-„

With a flick of his wrist, the door was closed.

They banged, they called for him, they tried to open the door. And Virgil sat on the other side, and allowed himself to break.

He was a crying, sobbing mess for he didn’t know how long and, eventually the screams and bangs stopped.

And he was left alone. Alone, again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so do y'all want a sequel?


End file.
